Quite often, our ability to plan and work towards the fulfilment of a desire, want or need, hinges entirely upon how we define that desire. Whether we are expressing a need verbally, or simply thinking through an issue, the terms we use when speaking or thinking often influence how we plan to meet a specific goal or need.

A good illustration of this is how many of us address time management and finance issues. At some point in our lives, most of us would know what it is like to desire to have a greater financial security. To be clear, I am not addressing issues concerning financial hardship, or  impoverishment, or failing to meet basic financial needs, I am more addressing the desire to have a little more recreational money to travel to another country say, or simply go to the movies a little more. To have a little more cash so that we can not only meet our bills, but are free to do the things in life that we would like to do.

In our conversational and thought lives, the above could be expressed as a money issue, where we ‘wish we could make a little more’, or as a time issue where we ‘wish we could find the time..’ Whatever the need may be, we identify a shortfall between how we are living, and how we would like to live. There is a difference between what we are doing at the moment, and what we would like to be doing, and this difference is causing discomfort.

Looking at the problem in this light, it could be considered that the issue may not actually be a lack of money, but the feeling of discomfort that tight finances brings. To express it in words, the issue changes from ‘I don’t have enough money’ to ‘I am not content with the money I have’.

By defining it as a money problem, we only allow ourselves one solution for meeting our need, and that is to acquire more money. We may make plans to work harder, get another job, start a business, or take out a loan, all in an effort to fulfil our specific desire. However, if the central issue is not really money, but that of contentment, we may find that what we are doing again falls short of fulfilling our true desire. In fact we may even meet what we initially desired (more recreational money), only to find a new desire has taken its place. We have treated the symptoms, giving ourselves short term relief by meeting what we thought was our desire, but as we failed to correctly identify what the specific issue was in the first place, the sickness (not being content with the money I have) will show in other ways.

By probing a little deeper, and finding a more specific way to describe the issue, we are able to shift the focus of our planning from addressing external factors (acquiring more money) to addressing our internal state. We are able to speculate whether our lack of contentment is simply caused by too much work and not enough play, or more hidden motivations and anxieties. We have been able to explore the issue at a much deeper and comprehensive level, by simply taking the time to find appropriate and specific terms to express it. We are able to quickly determine whether this issue will in fact be solved by making more money, or whether a deeper more introspective method is needed.

Why is this important? Some might read the above and think – ‘well, thats great, but really its just words, what difference does it really make? What tangible benefit does this give me?’. Lets apply the above to another example.

Increasingly I am finding a growing discontent, at least within my friendship groups, with the conventional attractional chuch. There are many reasons why or why not people chose to attend one church over another, however many of the complaints I have heard, and sometimes shared begin with questions of service format, and authenticity but narrow to specifically revolve around feelings of disconnection, and a lack of genuine fellowship. The true need can be specifically defined as ‘I am not content with the level of Christian fellowship and support in my life’.

I have had many conversations with friends concerning a need for deep Christian fellowship on a regular basis, and how they feel conventional church has failed to meet that need. As a result I am finding that some are choosing to find an alternate form of church to try and meet that need. Whether its small groups, home church or other forms the structure and format of conventional church is being blamed for the cause of this deficiency and some are looking for alternatives.

The question is, if the issue concerns depth of fellowship, or lack of it, how does changing church model address it? The issue, once identified and specifically defined concerns the depth of relationships with other Christians, and has nothing to do with the format of a service on Sunday, or when and how we choose to meet as Christians. Arguably, like the finances example, we have treated the symptoms of the issue, giving ourselves short term relief by meeting what we thought was our desire, but as we failed to correctly identify what the specific issue was in the first place, the sickness will continue to show in other ways.

In using this illustration, I’m not advocating one way of doing church over another. In many cases, change is beneficial (at least in the short term) as people often receive a new sense of purpose or feeling of belonging when engaging with new fellowship groups. This is just a simple example illustrating the benefits of thinking about what we are saying and thinking, and how the accuracy of this dialog determines how effective we are at meeting our needs.